deux semaines

I keep having nightmares that wake me up in the middle of the night. I dream that I can't remember how to drive a car, that I don't recognize my best friends, that I get lost trying to get home, that I can't remember how to speak english. I know that none of that is going to happen, but worries of returning are always in the back of my mind. I can't turn off my brain. It's not fair that all of this has to end in two weeks. I've worked so hard to get here, to be happy, to make friends and speak french. Leaving the US was without a doubt the hardest thing I've ever done, and it's still hard to think about my last days there. But I think leaving Switzerland will somehow be even harder. When I left the US I knew that in 11 months I would be returning to everything there. But Switzerland is a different story. I know I will be back someday, but what's Switzerland without my fellow frenchies? The other exchange students here are the ones who kept me going when I was sad. They're the only ones who really understand my feelings and struggles, and they're the only one's who can rejoice in my success and truly know what it means. But now they're all going back to their homes spread throughout the world too, and I know Switzerland will be losing a lot of valuable people the day they leave. I know coming back to Switzerland will make me so happy, but it will lose a lot of it's magic without the other exchange students. Because of that, I believe leaving Switzerland might be the hardest thing I'll ever have to do. Harder than leaving Bay Village and harder than my first couple of months here, because it's like losing a part of me. Switzerland has been my life for the past 11 months and I have fallen in love with the country. But next time I come back the important aspects of the country will be gone, and I don't think it can ever fully return to it's whole self. So of course I'm excited to go back home, but I'm heartbroken to leave behind the world that was formed here. Is it even possible to leave behind a home, yet return home at the same time?