Oh baby we're half way there

Today marks my halfway point in Switzerland. The countdown has officially changed from how many weeks I've been here to how many weeks I have left. for your information it's 23 weeks in, and 23 weeks left. I honestly don't even know how I feel about it. I have a little bit of every emotion swimming around my brain right now, including happy, excited, sad, proud, frustrated, scared and everything else you could possibly imagine. I'm proud of myself for making it this far, sad that I'm halfway done, yet happy at the same time that I'll soon(ish) be reunited with my life in America. And sometimes I'm frustrated that I'm only halfway done. This has been an amazing 5 months, but seriously, another 5!? Sometimes it seems impossible. A lot of the time I am so happy with my life in Switzerland, and proud of myself for making it this far. This is really the only thing I've ever done by myself. I have built a life all on my own, coming over here without knowing a single person. But now those strangers have turned into best friends, the unfamiliar town of Fribourg has turned into a place I could navigate if blind, and that family who welcomed me on my first day in Switzerland has turned into my home. I also have plenty of off days when I get a little nostalgic about the past, when I miss being in Bay Village with my friends and family, the people who have seen me through everything important in my life. Because in all honesty, nothing beats the people you grew up with. I look forward to seeing them in July and have already been planning things to do this summer. But I need to keep in mind that as much as I am looking forward to going home, i have to live in this moment, because I know the second I leave there will be a Switzerland shaped hole in my heart, and I'll begin to miss everything more than thought possible. Even though french stresses me out, I know I'll miss hearing it everyday. I'll miss taking the train home from school everyday and taking the same bus as Meredith in the morning. I'll miss the people who have become my friends and family, and I'll look back on our year together and want to return to it. I'll miss the mountains, and the fact that after 5 months they can still take my breath away. So I'm going to go out and live my next 5 months to the fullest, and hope that when I finally return to america I'll have a million amazing memories to take with me.

Maybe together we can get somewhere

So it's sunday afternoon and I'm too lazy to leave the house, so instead I'm sitting in my room pondering life (you know, the usual). I was thinking that even though I've been here 5 months, I don't have the same relationships here compared to the US. but that's because here, I'm closer with my friends. I've realized that I have been more honest with myself and others since arriving here, that I don't hold back anything now, because we're starting from scratch with everybody. and it's almost easier that way, because nobody here grew up with me, they don't know my friends or my family, and somehow that makes it easier to be my complete self. I've learned so much about myself and become more honest here, because we're all looking for companionship. All the exchangies came over here alone, but you can't live alone for too long. You have to eventually get everything out the open and build new relationships. The problem with being an exchange student is that, eventually, the stress is going to get to you. One day you'll just get so fed up with not understanding, or being lonely that you will break. I've seen the strongest people become torn to pieces. and it kills me to see my friends hurt, but I've learned so much more about them that way. Everybody has a problem they can talk about, but despite those problems they can still be happy people. I can honestly say that I know more personal details about the other exchangies than I do about people in Bay Village. It would be so easy for everyone to come over here and start over new. To pretend that all the problems of their home life didn't exist. and in the beginning we do that, but somehow in the end, the truth always comes out. I'm still not exactly sure why that is, but I know it's helping people grow. Talking about their problems makes them real, but then at the same time not. Because we're all thousands of miles away from our old life. Therefore our problems become old problems. We can start new here and learn to be happy with who we were and who we are becoming. And I think that's amazing.

Sorry if none of that made sense, I'm just sort of rambling.

Years, they come and go, but today is here to stay.

Today marks my 5th month in Switzerland! Time really is flying by quicker than I though it would. It literally feels like last month that I arrived here, so it kind of freaks me out how fast everything is moving. But I'm sure time won't be moving as fast for the next 2 month because I literally have nothing going on except school. Every single day. Rough.

I'm just anxiously awaiting the arrival of March, or more specifically my birthday (FYI it's March 20th if you wanted to send some presents...) because the morning of my 19th birthday I am going to the airport to pick up my one and only soul sister!! I am beyond the point of ecstatic and need these 2 months to fly by as fast as possible. A year of separation isn't really an option for us, and I honestly don't know how we've survived the past 5 months, but it's ok because i only need to wait 2 more until we get a whole week of sisterly bonding! and then at the end of the week I'll take her to the train station where she will hop on a train to France for a 3 month study program. So then we'll be only hours away and in the same time zone! It's madness how awesome that will be! and then the same day she goes to France I'm going to plop myself on a plane with a few friends and jet off to Amsterdam for the weekend! We're going to the Matt & Kim concert (see video below) and I'm extremely excited! So I get my birthday, my sister, Amsterdam and Matt & Kim all in one week. Sometimes my life is awesome.

see, the world's still beautiful

I just left all of my Australians at the airport on Friday, so they can return to their homes. They have a different school year there, so they've already been in Switzerland for their 12 months. I went to school with one of my friends Jess, and ever since we started hanging out I began dreading the day she would leave. With exchangies, we have the 'oldies' and the 'newbies'. The oldies being the australians and new zealanders who had already been in switzerland for 6 months upon our arrival. and then the newbies, us, the new kids on the block. Saturday marked the last day of all the oldies leaving the country, making us the oldies now. We'll get a new group of exchangies coming in within the next couple of weeks, and it will be up to us to show them around and give them the proper experiences and advice. But here's the thing, I'm not ready to be an oldie yet! I'm not ready to experience Switzerland without our wise oldies to guide us, because it all honesty, it's not Switzerland without them. They were a crucial part of our exchange, teaching us the ropes in the beginning, and being there for support when we thought it was impossible to go on. But now it's up to us to be there for our newbies, and show them that 5 months in (holy crap that went fast!) we're still alive and have adjusted to this crazy swiss life. It's scary that I'm almost half way done, yet exciting at the same time. I was so upset the entire week before our Aussies left, and I spent as much time as possible with Jess, not wanting her to leave. We got together a group of people to take her to the airport on Friday, and tried to ignore the purpose of our trip and instead just have a good time on the train. I was (and still am) slightly jealous that they all got to leave. As Kelly kept saying "I want the feeling of completing my entire year. The satisfaction of going home after being away for 12 months. As much as I want to go home right now, I couldn't do it, becuase I need to finish what I started. It wouldn't feel as good to go home today as it will in July." and that's completely true. Deep down, or even right on the surface for some, everybody wants to go home. We miss our real families, and our real friends, our beds, our pets and the comfort of driving around town at 2 in the morning with the people who truly know us. So yes, I'm extremely jealous that those lucky exchangies are now at home, but I know it's not my time. If I were to leave tomorrow I would be sad to be leaving Switzerland, and disappointed in myself for giving up. Because the thing is, when we left everybody at the airport, they weren't sad. They were so happy to be going home, and so proud of themselves for finishing their entire year. They have the satisfaction of saying they survived on their own for 12 months. So I know when I leave Switzerland I'll be upset, but by that point I will be beyond ready to go home. Because even though I love Switzerland, it's still not the same. Nothing beats your real life and sometimes it feels like I'm just renting this life until I can return to my old one. But everyday I remind myself that yeah, sometimes it sucks to be here, but sometimes it's so much better. I only have 6 months left to experience everything I can here, and sometimes that doesn't even seem like enough time. So I'm going to climb mountains, swim in lakes, travel to new countries, ride endless trains, stay out all night, speak french and live this marvelous life I've created on my own.