"You never really stop missing someone, you just learn to live around the huge gaping hole of their absence."

No other quote has been more true. I know I'm happy here, and I've lived without the aspects of my american life for over 9 months. I could see myself staying here forever. But then all of a sudden I think of tiny little things from Bay, and they make my heart ache all over again. That's the one thing nobody ever warned me about. Homesickness literally hurts. It creates an aching pain that is indescribable. And it never really goes away, you just get used to the feeling, you get used to the loss inside of you. But then you start thinking of the things that cause you pain, and the feeling starts all over again. For one thing, my dog. I'm so used to the stupid cats my family has, and sometimes I pretend to get along with them. But then I think of how excited Buddy always is when I come home, and I miss him all over again. I miss driving my car and blasting music as loud as possible. I'm comfortable here with my family, but i'm always a little bit more reserved around them. In Bay I will fill the house with music and dance around in my pajamas, i haven't done that in ages. I miss the lake so much. I miss boating and tubing and watching thunderstorms over the water. I miss the small things, free refills, ice machines in the freezer, screens on the window so bugs don't get in. And needless to say, I miss my friends. It's hard to stay in contact with people living in a completely different world, but there are people who have stuck with me this whole time, and they are the ones who I'm excited to go home to. So yeah, for the most part I'm doing alright, I'm happy I've built my life here, but then I think of everything I get to go home to, and I get so excited. But then it hits me that going back to my old life means saying goodbye to my new life. My ears will no longer be filled with the beautiful french language and I will no longer see the stunning mountains everyday when I wake up. I won't get to ride trains and most importantly, I won't be surrounded by the people who have kept me alive this year. My friends have kept me sane when I was barely hanging on, and they know me better than I know myself. If it were up to me, I would go home for the summer, spend some time in Bay Village, and then I would come back here. But unfortunately responsibilities await me back home, and I can't spend my whole life running away from them.